Tournament of The Dan

By: Connor Lenahan

I slipped on bubble soap that had spilled onto my Uncle’s lawn. That was how I broke my right tibia and fibula. I was somewhere around five years old when this happened. I did not realize at the time that this break would change my life.

Shockingly, the medical details don’t matter. It was broken, it got fixed, and it was fourteen years ago so I don’t really remember much of anything. Except for my car ride home from the hospital.

My dad had decided that while I was lying down in the back seat of the car on the way home from New Jersey, where I had broken my leg, he would play me a song by his favorite band.

From the first time I heard “Kid Charlemagne” I was hooked on Steely Dan. The next decade and a half would cement the duo of Walter Becker and Donald Fagen as two of my heroes. They were intelligent perfectionists with beautiful music. As an odd child, I loved it all.

I’ve mentioned in the past that I love music and brackets and Rembert Browne, so naturally I had to throw this together.

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Now I must confirm that I am qualified to do this project. I have seen Steely Dan in concert three times. I have listened to every one of their albums multiple times. I could recognize every song within seconds of its first note. Obsessed would be an understatement.

Now, Steely Dan has more than 64 songs in their discography, so I had to eliminate a few from the competition. I can defend knocking all of these off. Presented in chronological order:

“Kings”

“Razor Boy”

“Barrytown”

“East St Louis Toodle-oo”

“Parker’s Band”

“Through with Buzz”

“With a Gun”

“Monkey in Your Soul”

“Rose Darling”

“Daddy Don’t Live in That New York City No More”

  “Everyone’s Gone to the Movies”

“I Got the News”

“Gaucho”

“My Rival”

“Gaslighting Abbie”

“West of Hollywood”

“Blues Beach”

And “Slang of Ages”

Don’t like that I cut one of your favorites? Too bad. It’s done.

The songs were ranked #1-#64 by popularity on iTunes. Some of the seedings will surprise you, but then again, they surprised me.

Now we begin the bracket itself.

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Round 1

 

#1 Do It Again vs. #64 Negative Girl

I like “Negative Girl,” it is in no way a terrible song. That said, “Do It Again” is better by a mile. This song is a prime example of getting a career off on the right foot. “Hello, we are Steely Dan, this is Do It Again” is essentially how they begin a Rock & Roll hall of fame career. Yes please. “Do It Again” advances.

#2 Reelin’ In The Years vs. #63 Two Against Nature

“Your everlasting summer, you can see it fading fast…” Nice try “Two Against Nature,” this is over. “Reelin’ In The Years” goes on.

#3 Hey Nineteen vs. #62 Janie Runaway

I was able to see Steely Dan play “Hey Nineteen” twice in two nights at the Beacon Theater in NYC. Is it the best song they’ve ever done? Probably not. Is “Janie Runaway” better? Definitely not. “Hey Nineteen” advances.

#4 Rikki Don’t Lose That Number vs. #61 Almost Gothic

“Rikki” is one of the best songs ever made by anyone. It’s brilliant and entirely unique from every other Steely Dan track. It will not go down without a fight. “Almost Gothic” is an underrated song, but “Rikki” rolls into round two.

#5 Peg vs. #60 Godwhacker

“Godwhacker” is insanely underrated, most likely because it came out in 2003. I love this song. But, Michael McDonald has the voice of an angel. He takes “Peg” to another level. It’s almost not fair that an incredible band had McDonald as a BACKUP vocalist. “Peg” moves on.

#6 FM vs. #59 What A Shame

I find it somewhat unfair that a lot of solid tracks from the two most recent albums, Two Against Nature & Everything Must Go, are making up the lowest seeds in the tournament. I would like to be able to move some of the better ones on, but I just can’t. Personally, I love “What A Shame,” but you cannot have it knock off the fuzzy snarl that is “FM.”

#7 My Old School vs. #58 Green Book

“Guadalajara won’t do now.” This. Is. Over. “My Old School” struts into round two.

#8 Dirty Work vs. #57 Pixeleen

As much as I love Donald Fagen’s voice, David Palmer’s work on Can’t Buy A Thrill is superb. “Dirty Work” is a classic with Palmer at the mic. As much as I couldn’t imagine anyone else taking the reigns on a song that Fagen sings, I can’t imagine anyone topping Palmer here. “Dirty Work” moves on.

#9 Deacon Blues vs. #56 Lunch With Gina

 Look, it is going to take a masterpiece to kick “Deacon Blues” out of this tournament. “Lunch With Gina” is not exactly a masterpiece. Good, but nowhere near good enough. “Deacon Blues” marches on.

#10 Josie vs. #55 Things I Miss the Most

By no means is “Josie” a bad song. Not at all. It is the closer to what is believed by the masses to be Steely Dan’s best album, Aja. I don’t conform to this (I pick The Royal Scam personally) but still hold the opinion that Aja is an undisputed classic, and any best of the 70’s list that does not include it is immediately wrong. “Josie” is not the best song on Aja. “Things I Miss the Most” is the best song on Everything Must Go. That context cannot be ignored, along with the nostalgic lyrics Fagen presents in one of the most depressingly beautiful songs the duo ever made. “Things I Miss the Most” pulls the upset.

#11 Black Cow vs. #54 Everything Must Go

Having seen “Black Cow” in person, there is a certain magic to it that is hard to quantify. “Everything Must Go” is a fitting bow to their career (for now, fingers crossed), but “Black Cow” is a mesmerizing open to a classic album.

#12 Kid Charlemagne vs. #53 Cousin Dupree

This matchup made me angry. “Cousin Dupree” is hilarious and brilliant and catchy as hell. That said, “Kid Charlemagne” is flawless. “Cousin Dupree” is gone far too soon, but it loses to a worthy opponent.

#13 Bodhisattva vs. #52 Charlie Freak

The musicianship on “Bodhisattva” is mind blowing. The guitar makes my fingers hurt when I am simply listening to it on my iPod. It blows you away. “Charlie Freak” utilizes jingle bells better than the eponymous song, but cannot hold a candle to “Bodhisattva.”

#14 Aja vs. #51 The Last Mall

From the first few piano notes of “Aja” it becomes gloriously evident that you are about to enter a mystical world. That world is beautiful. “Aja” has to go on.

#15 Babylon Sisters vs. #50 Boston Rag

Nope. Not a conversation. “Drive west.” OVER. Sorry “Boston Rag,” It just isn’t happening.

#16 Black Friday vs. #49 Any World That I’m Welcome To

Katy Lied is a terrific album. It kicks off with the brain melting guitar work on “Black Friday.” “Any World” is a grand soundscape, but “Black Friday” is just too good.

#17 Bad Sneakers vs. #48 Pearl of the Quarter

I do not entirely understand how they do it, but “Bad Sneakers” sounds like it should only be played at a bar on a beach. The supremely chill vibe it gives off makes anyone and everyone more relaxed. “Bad Sneakers” is almost a drug, and since you cannot OD, it moves into round two.

#18 Home at Last vs. #47 Your Gold Teeth II

“Your Gold Teeth II” is nowhere near the excellence of its predecessor on Countdown to Ecstasy, which has to factor in here. “Home at Last” crushes it’s way here like the opening piano in the song itself.

#19 Don’t Take Me Alive vs. #46 Your Gold Teeth

I love “Don’t Take Me Alive” and it’s razor sharp guitar work. As solid as it is, you are not kicking “There ain’t nothing in Chicago for a monkey woman to do” without bringing straight fire. “Your Gold Teeth” confuses its way to the second round.

#20 Pretzel Logic vs. #45 Night By Night

I’m going to have to give the upper hand to the Steely Dan song that doesn’t resemble the soundtrack to an adult film thank you very much. “Pretzel Logic” advances.

#21 Time Out of Mind vs. #44 King of the World

I happen to think “King of the World” is criminally underrated. The vibrations of the song are exquisite. The higher the volume, the more intense it is. However, “Time Out of Mind” gives a glorious view of falling into a heroin trip. This is truly impressive. “Time Out of Mind” wins, but it was a very, very close margin of victory.

#22 Doctor Wu vs. #43 Throw Back the Little Ones

Explaining the feel of “Doctor Wu” is tough. It is very cinematic in a showstopping way. Sitting right in the center of Katy Lied, the song just reaches unparalleled heights that almost nothing else on the album reaches. “Doctor Wu” is an accomplishment; seeing as you can’t come away without thinking it is beautiful. It has to go on.

#23 The Royal Scam vs. #42 Third World Man

This was a close matchup. That said there is a certain aspect to “The Royal Scam,” the feeling of a culmination of a drug-addled nightmare filled with grandeur that ekes out the victory over the darkly majestic “Third World Man.”

#24 Jack of Speed vs. #41 Everything You Did

I will admit to one thing, I made an error that I realized very late in the bracket making process. I had twice listed the song “Dirty Work.” I was about to finish when I realized my mistake. Seeing as how repairing the bracket from scratch would take hours, I decided to just put “Jack of Speed” in the higher seed than it was assigned because I love the song and I make the rules here. The song is menacing, and I mean that as a compliment. It rings of Gaucho despite coming out 20 years after the album released. I love it; it is quite possibly their most impressive effort on the latest two albums. “Jack of Speed” must continue, because I say so.

#25 Any Major Dude vs. #40 Chain Lightning

There is just something so delightfully simple about “Any Major Dude.” Many on the songs on Pretzel Logic sound entirely different from the usual sound of the band. This is most certainly a case for it. “Chain Lightning” is a solid mellow track, but cannot compare to the relaxation presented in “Any Major Dude.”

#26 Haitian Divorce vs. #39 Show Biz Kids

I am furious. With a more favorable matchup, “Show Biz Kids” would be able to tap dance its way into my Elite 8 at a minimum. The song is incredible. Plus, it has what might be the greatest line in Steely Dan history in it. “Show business kids, making movies of themselves, you know they don’t give a fuck about anybody else.” Those words give me chills every time I hear them. However, “Haitian Divorce” must go on. Talk box guitar solos, tropical rhythms, the narrative of an unwanted child, and the classic line “Now we dolly back, now we fade to black,” all contribute to a cinematic experience. Let it be known, that I have “Show Biz Kids” in my personal top five, and am heartbroken as I write this.

#27 The Fez vs. #38 Fire in the Hole

“Fire in the Hole” is going to be bounced for a very unfair reason. It is a good song on a great album. Yet it is, at best, the eighth best song on Can’t Buy a Thrill. This should speak to how good of an album it is. “Fire in the Hole” made this bracket after all. However, I am in the camp that thinks “The Fez” is underappreciated on The Royal Scam and it advances on that aspect.

#28 Midnight Cruiser vs. #37 Glamour Profession

“Glamour Profession” has a shout-out to one of my favorite restaurants in it, Mr. Chow. It’s admirably goofy and fun. That said, come one this is a no brainer for “Midnight Cruiser.” Better song, this isn’t all that hard.

#29 Only a Fool Would Say That vs. #36 Turn That Heartbeat Over Again

In my mind, the ending section of “Heartbeat,” where the piano and guitar skip like daggers in your ears, is brilliance. The song itself is great, but it reaches another level there, I put it through because of that.

#30 Green Earrings vs. #35 Here at the Western World

I think I love how frantic “Green Earrings” sounds as a whole. The Royal Scam is an album based around drugs. “Green Earrings” sounds like every instrument on cocaine. It is beautiful. Plus, the guitar solo is superb. “Here at the Western World” is a glorious brothel anthem, but I enjoy Donald Fagen after a couple of lines of snow, thank you.

#31 Caves of Altamira vs. #34 Sign in Stranger

It takes about fifteen seconds for this to go from a conversation to an end result. “Caves of Altamira” wins because of the horns. It’s over.

#32 Brooklyn vs. #33 Change of the Guard

All apologies to “Brooklyn,” a terrific song, but the guitar solo for “Change of the Guard” is currently under investigation as a weapon of mass destruction as it is known to melt brains from time to time. “Change of the Guard,” is stomping into round two.

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Round 2

 

#1 Do It Again vs. #33 Change of the Guard

Full disclosure, everything in my being wants to give the upset here, but then I sit here, and think about the line “You go back, Jack, do it again.” Then I just stop and appreciate that, while the song is immensely popular, there is a reason for it. “Do It Again” goes forth, but a fond farewell is wished to “Change of the Guard.”

#2 Reelin’ In The Years vs. #31 Caves of Altamira

This one was even closer than before, yet I still cannot give the upset, not yet. “Caves” is brilliant, but the guitar and harmonies on “Reelin’ In The Years” is just too much to overcome. Both classics, one just a bit more Steely Dan.

#3 Hey Nineteen vs. #30 Green Earrings

There is a certain shimmering aspect to “Green Earrings” that makes every listen feel semi-magical. The song itself doesn’t feel real. Just like when someone is higher than a kite. The ability to perfectly replicate that, coupled with insane levels of musical precision, gives us our biggest upset so far with “Green Earrings” kicking out “Hey Nineteen.”

#4 Rikki Don’t Lose That Number vs. #36 Turn That Heartbeat Over Again

There have only been a few times that art has caused me to almost be moved to tears. The Shawshank Redemption, Toy Story 3 and “Rikki Don’t Lose That Number” are all examples of this. It is a juggernaut. I’m not sure it is being taken down anytime soon.

#5 Peg vs. #28. Midnight Cruiser

“Midnight Cruiser” is a quintessential party song. The chorus is so damn inviting. But, “Peg” is so gorgeously jazzy throughout that sadly this is not enough to overtake the McDonald fueled classic. “Peg” lives.

#6 FM vs. #27 The Fez

“No static at all” followed by that buzz of musical glee. This is proof that Steely Dan should be making the theme to every movie forever. “FM” has to go on.

#7 My Old School vs. #26 Haitian Divorce

“California tumbles into the sea, that’ll be the day I’ll go back to Annandale.” There are moments in this song where you just have to be sitting slack jawed in amazement of how good “My Old School” is, and I’m not sure it is being taken down by anything less.

#8 Dirty Work vs. #25 Any Major Dude

Simplicity is cool and all, but David Palmer turns “Dirty Work” into something unbelievable. “Dirty Work” is better than “Any Major Dude” and this really isn’t disagreed with.

#9 Deacon Blues vs. #24 Jack of Speed

I would say this one hurts, because “Jack of Speed” cannot top “Deacon Blues,” because there is almost no other song with the perfect feel of lounge and despair than “Deacon Blues,” but it doesn’t hurt, because I know that it went out to an absolute masterpiece track.

#11 Black Cow vs. #22 Doctor Wu

Two words: Sax Solo. I’m sorry “Black Cow,” but you just can’t do it. You will always be fun though. Now drink your big black cow, and get outta here.

#12 Kid Charlemagne vs. #21 Time Out of Mind

“Is there gas in the car?” Need I say more? “Kid Charlemagne” wins big.

#13 Bodhisattva vs. #20 Pretzel Logic

There is an almost haunting aura around “Pretzel Logic,” something dark that takes the song to another level of music. You are almost scared and oddly invited by the hammering piano which is enough to impress its way to the Sweet Sixteen.

#14 Aja vs. #46 Your Gold Teeth

“Your Gold Teeth” is jazzy and powerful. One common thread amongst a large list of Steely Dan songs is their ability to create this heavy jazz feel. Physically heavy. Weight is easier to get to than weightlessness. “Your Gold Teeth” is like a sculpture, while “Aja” is the more intricate origami. “Aja” grows into something spectacular while never sacrificing its simplistic beauty. “Aja” moves on.

#15 Babylon Sisters vs. #18 Home at Last

“Home at Last” is a poor man’s “Babylon Sisters.” Seriously, the songs are shockingly similar. With that in mind, “Babylon Sisters” is the full realization of the musical talent present and advances.

#16 Black Friday vs. #17 Bad Sneakers

A rare showdown of consecutive songs on an album. You would think this would be a heavyweight bout, seeing as both are high seeds, but it isn’t. “Black Friday” is terrifying in the best apocalyptic way imaginable. Everything comes together here in perfect fashion, and “Black Friday” goes forth.

#23 The Royal Scam vs. #55 Things I Miss The Most

Donald Fagen sounds so dejected on “Things I Miss The Most,” yet at the same time, he sounds happy reminiscing on his happy past of “The talk, the sex, somebody to trust.” This beautiful realization of what is no more pushes “Things I Miss The Most” forward in its miracle run.

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Sweet Sixteen

#1 Do It Again vs. #16 Black Friday

Impending doom has never been something to look forward to, much less celebrate. “Black Friday” does not conform to such ideals. The piano flips constantly in the background almost like a siren in a world under duress. The guitar slashes the track with careful selection distorted to beauty. “Do It Again” is a great way to kick off a career, but in terms of opening an album, can you really do any better than “With nothing to do than feed all the kangaroos”? I don’t think so. “Black Friday” knocks off the top seed.

#2 Reelin’ In The Years vs. #15 Babylon Sisters

I love Los Angeles. The vibe of the city is something that is truly hard to capture in any art form. Save for maybe “California Love” by Tupac, I’m not sure I have heard a song that better represents Los Angeles and Hollywood than “Babylon Sisters.” “Reelin’ In The Years” is incredible, and put Steely Dan on the map. However, by album number seven, the opening “Babylon Sisters” to Gaucho more than proves that Becker and Fagen are musical geniuses that cannot be stopped. To this day, I still get chills from the beauty of “You’ve gotta shake it baby, you’ve gotta shake it baby, you’ve gotta.” “Babylon Sisters” goes on.

#4 Rikki Don’t Lose That Number vs. #20 Pretzel Logic

Saying that Steely Dan never wrote a love song would be a lie, because they did. That song is “Rikki Don’t Lose That Number.” Maybe they only had one, but damn, if you had one shot at a love song, could you do better than this? Donald Fagen wrote the song to the wife of a professor, named Rikki Ducornet. Steely Dan is at its best when the songs are truly personal and ground in reality. Especially when Bard College is involved. Having a face to relate the song to is so gloriously weird, yet entirely understandable from Fagen, that “Rikki” has to keep going.

#5 Peg vs. #12 Kid Charlemange

For a Sweet Sixteen match, this wasn’t very close in my mind. “Peg” is a fun jazzy song, but it is far from the best on its own album. “Kid Charlemagne” is a true masterpiece about LSD Dealer Owsley Stanley. It is a vivid story of a rise and fall of a drug kingpin. Everything is dreary and funky. Beautiful in its own right, and just like “Rikki” before it, a song ground in reality. “Kid Charlemagne” takes the cake by being better all around.

#6 FM vs. #22 Doctor Wu

“Doctor Wu” begins with just Donald Fagen alone, and progressively builds up into this glorious trio of drums, piano, and sax all accented by chimes in the back. The ability to morph from the first impression into the wall of sound it becomes is staggering, and enough for me to move it on here.

#7 My Old School vs. #55 Things I Miss The Most

There is a fun difference between happy and angry when it comes to looking back on the past. When you look back on happy moments, you have a warm feeling inside that makes you happy to have lived. When you look back angry however, you have a fire inside over a past grudge, say, getting busted at your dorm room for drugs and ending up in jail, that makes you want to get to your feet and punch something. Great art comes from anger; it makes the artist work with a purpose. That is what “My Old School” is, and it wins this matchup.

#8 Dirty Work vs. #9 Deacon Blues

Can we just recognize how flipping funny the chorus of a song many deem brilliant is? “They call Alabama the Crimson Tide, call me Deacon Blues.” Do you know why Steely Dan put that in the song? Because Donald Fagen was drawing a comparison between success and failure. Alabama was incredibly successful under Bear Bryant, but that didn’t stop Walter Becker from questioning this line by saying, “You mean it’s like, they call these cracker assholes this grandiose name like the Crimson Tide, and I’m this loser, so they call me this other grandiose name, Deacon Blues?” To which Donald Fagen enthusiastically replies “Yeah!” If you needed to explain how crazy and intelligent these two were to anyone, this story will do it. “Deacon Blues” has to go on, this is a bracket about Steely Dan songs, the run of songs without Fagen at the helm had to stop sometime.

#14 Aja vs. #30 Green Earrings

I feel awful knocking out the hyper “Green Earrings” but I mean, have you heard the drum work on “Aja”? The song is by far the best exemplification of drums the band ever had, and even after listening to it for years on end, I still cannot quite fathom how it was physically possible to play the drums like that. Steve Gadd deserves a statue somewhere for this. It is an accomplishment for drummers the world over, and for that, “Aja” moves on.

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Elite Eight

 

#4 Rikki Don’t Lose That Number vs. #12 Kid Charlemagne

Full disclosure: These are my two favorite songs by Steely Dan. Picking between them is like picking between my children on which one lives and which one dies. This was not easy by any means, and it pains me thoroughly, but after deliberating on it, I’m picking “Kid Charlemagne.” I think what ended up doing it was the full throttle Larry Carlton guitar work. Donald Fagen takes control on “Rikki” and breaks your heart every time, but Carlton takes the spotlight for a fraction of the song, and steals the song, album, and a spot on Rolling Stone Magazine’s top 100 guitar solos of all time. I wish I could keep both, but when you have the most crucial part of the track recognized as being exceptional not only against your own catalog, but against history, you have to give the devil his due.

#7 My Old School vs. #15 Babylon Sisters

You’ve got to be kidding me. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. I’m going to go cry… and I’m back. It is not fair to have to decide which masterpiece is better. However, because I had to, I rationalized my choice enough so that I don’t feel like Mars is crushing my soul. In “My Old School” Donald Fagen absolutely massacres Bard throughout the entire track, and owns every millisecond of music there. He is also at the top of his game on “Babylon Sisters” but the backup singers carry a large section of that song. This is by no means bad, however, if we are trying to pick the best Steely Dan song, then it is understood that the band is in reality only two people. The backup singers are not that. So the microscopic edge goes to “My Old School.”

#9 Deacon Blues vs. #16 Black Friday

Both of these songs make you want to have a drink. Both of them accomplish this in completely different ways. “Black Friday” by toasting the apocalypse, “Deacon Blues” through sorrow. I am entirely confident the narrative in “Deacon Blues” is not told directly from Donald Fagen’s perspective, seeing as how he didn’t die behind the wheel, but the song is so dishearteningly depressing and vividly realistic and personal that I just cannot send it packing yet. Story songs are the haymaker punch in Steely Dan’s arsenal, and this is one of the strongest ones they have ever put forth.

#14 Aja vs. #22 Doctor Wu

Steely Dan has no business making “Aja.” They are a jazz-rock band. I, nor anyone else, can correctly define what genre of song “Aja” is. That said, there is not another group on the planet that could pull this song off. It is witchcraft. The song is so delicate and beautiful while also being so genuinely Steely Dan that is has to advance here.

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Final 4

#7 My Old School vs. #14 Aja

I’m not sure I could tell you what exactly “Aja” is about. The song is entirely mysterious, which makes it appealing. On the contrary, I can tell you exactly what “My Old School” is about. Donald Fagen breathes fire at everyone from his past in his farewell letter to Annandale. It’s glorious, and that’s before the music, which is simply infectious and genius, comes into play. “Aja” made a run in the weakest division of the tournament, and it is deserving of going far, but to say it knocks off “My Old School” would not be fair. “My Old School” sets forth it’s thesis like a college essay, and hammers home every point. It goes to the final on a Greyhound bus.

#9 Deacon Blues vs. #12 Kid Charlemagne

I can’t quite pin down the point of view this song is told from, but “Kid Charlemagne” is a brilliantly written song. As beautiful and crushing as “Deacon Blues” is, there is only one line that blows me away every time, and that is “make love to these women, languid and bittersweet.” If it were facing a lesser song, those eight words propel “Deacon Blues” to a finals berth. However, when you go against lines like “Just by chance you crossed the diamond with the pearl, you turned it on the world, that’s when you turned the world around. Did you feel like Jesus? Did you realize, that you were a champion in their eyes? On the hill the stuff was laced with kerosene, but yours was kitchen clean, everyone stopped to stare at your Technicolor motor home. Every A-Frame had your number on the wall.” Which are in the OPENING VERSE, you are dealing with the apex of wordplay, and that’s before we talk about the final verse, which is flawless. “Kid Charlemagne” to the finals.

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Championship Round

 

#7 My Old School vs. #12 Kid Charlemagne

I could read the lyrics to both of these songs for eternity and never tire of them. “Kid Charlemagne” includes what is to me the greatest verse in Steely Dan history. “Clean this mess up else we’ll all end up in jail, those test tubes and the scale, just get them all out of here. Is there gas in the car? Yes, there’s gas in the car! I think the people down the hall know who you are. Careful what you carry, ’cause the man is wise. You are still an outlaw in their eyes.”

If I were to ever write anything that good, I could die a happy man. I have chills reading it now, and I just listened to the song three times, which brings my grand total for my life to somewhere around 250 legitimate plays. Minimum. That verse just cannot be beaten by any other verse.

That said, no other song could beat “My Old School.” There has never been anything close to the sheer disdain for Bard Donald Fagen shows here in any other school. He absolutely obliterates his alma matter with brilliant storytelling every single line along the way, and makes it blatantly clear through the chorus of “I’m never going back to my old school,” that he vehemently hates Bard. If that weren’t enough, he weaves the incredibly mean, yet hilariously funny line “California tumbles into the sea, that’ll be the day I go back to Annandale” as if it were nothing. On top of that, every instrument is playing at legendary levels of perfection here. Occasionally you get that perfect storm and everything comes together. “My Old School” is that, and is your champion.

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That’s the bracket. I am open to any and all questions, debate and criticism. Overall, I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it.

Thank you.

Connor Lenahan (@ConnorLenahan) is the founder and editor-in-chief of Connorlenahan.com. He is a freshman at Boston University, majoring in journalism.