Girl Scout Cookies Return, America Weeps Tears of Joy
By: Connor Lenahan
A few days ago whilst strolling through the GSU at Boston University on my way to consume massive amounts of Panda Express I stumbled across the most beautiful sight this side of Kate Upton. Girl Scout Cookies. For Sale. At BU.
Once I regained consciousness from my joy/ecstasy induced fainting spell I looked in my backpack only to sadly discover most of my available storage space was being occupied by notebooks and textbooks. I’m not too proud to admit I got a tad bit emotional over this finding. I would not be retrieving my precious cookies this exact afternoon.
Fast forward to today. I came prepared. I cleared my backpack of everything that would interfere with the transportation of baked goods. Upon arriving at the GSU I thanked every holy figure in existence that the stand was still in place. There were still Do-si-dos to do-si-do into my mouth a box at a time. I approached the stand, smiling ear to ear, and asked them “do you accept credit cards?” This isn’t a joke. I’ve reached an undiscovered level of pathetic that includes attempting to buy Girl Scout Cookies with a Discover card. This revelation will be what moves my parents to bring me home from BU for good.
Luckily for my parents, they did not accept credit. This was a cash only operation. I looked this pre-teen sugar dealer in the eyes and told her “give me five minutes so I can go to the ATM.” I sprinted to the ATM quicker than Usain Bolt in Beijing and grabbed enough cash to purchase a stash of delicious circles. I came to the table, pointed at the boxes and said “Two, two, one” and thirty-five seconds later I was on my way back to my dorm room with Tagalongs, Thin Mints and Lemonades in tow. I thanked the semi-evil, entirely wonderful Girl Scouts for their service before running like Charlie with his golden ticket.
Once safely back in Warren Towers I took four of the boxes and shoved them in my freezer. As much as I wanted – nay, needed – a sleeve of three of Thin Mints to recover from the USA’s hockey loss to Canada I resisted. I knew the greater good, frozen Thin Mints, was worth my patience.
The Lemonades, however, were opened immediately with half a sleeve being consumed. I’m disappointed in myself. How could I let perfectly good cookies sit uneaten for so long. Makes myself sick. Chances are by the time you read this I will have eaten many more Lemonades.
You’re probably wondering why I’m telling you all of this. Why I’m sharing an entirely insane, partly sad story of purchasing cookies. There are many reasons. For students of Boston University it’s to share that THERE ARE GIRL SCOUT COOKIES IN THE GSU RUN TO BUY THEM NOW OR I WILL THIS IS NOT A DRILL. For everyone else, it’s to inform you that Girl Scout Cookies are available for purchase.
This isn’t a joke, if you go on the Girl Scouts website there is a Cookie Locator that will help you find Samoas in your neighborhood. Let’s just all as a society agree that this isn’t creepy: Googling the nearest location of little girls having (more or less) a bake sale. You’ve had the cookies. You understand the madness. If you haven’t had the cookies then feel free to never speak to me again you monster.
Girl Scout Cookies are back, I’m happy, and there is no way those boxes are making it past tomorrow afternoon. Go join the madness, it’s fun, and delicious.
Connor Lenahan (@ConnorLenahan) is a freshman at Boston University, majoring in journalism. He can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org