By: Connor Lenahan
Earlier today I was invited to one of the most iconic locations of my hometown. My fellow residents of Waverly and Clarks Summit know it as the must-visit destination all summer long. Even though it’s a fairly seasonal food, there is never a time in which a trip to the storefront will be turned away. I speak of course of Manning’s Ice Cream.
As a man who has previously had miniature freak outs over frozen cream it is probably not shocking to once again see me dig my metaphorical spoon into the tub and scoop out a story. I hate myself for that sentence.
I ventured with my friend Alex Catania to Manning’s this afternoon and proceeded to order my regular, which doubles as the best possible combination at the dairy shop. I then proceeded to obliterate my cup of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough with Reese’s Pieces while listening to Paramore with Alex. All was great, save for a singular issue that I and many frozen delicacy fans like me have with Manning’s. Two words: Cash Only.
(Bush realizing Manning’s is Cash Only)
I’d like to apologize to the brilliant people behind the delectable product currently sitting happily in my tummy when I tell them I have a bone to pick with them. They are good people bringing joy to this world in the form of Charlie Brownie and Rocky Road, and they did not ask for any trouble. I’m not here to take them down, as that would mean no more Manning’s Ice Cream, thus tears, but instead I’m here to make an observation.
I’d gladly drop a large quantity of dead presidents in exchange for gallons of ice cream to enjoy at 3:30 AM while watching the E! Network. The problem is the two aforementioned words “Cash Only.” Now, instead of being able to walk out of the store with bucket full of happiness roughly the size of a toddler, I must somehow have an absurdly large quantity of dollar dollar bills on my person. I’m sorry, I thought this was the United States of America.
It is. This country was founded on a few principles that hold true today. Freedom of speech. Freedom of press. Freedom of religion. The ability to swipe plastic rectangles in exchange for food. It’s in the damn Constitution. I’m 99% certain President Taft made an amendment ensuring protections of all methods of purchasing desserts. Some (Read: Me) call it the landmark moment of his time in office.
Manning’s I come to you in peace. And hungry. Please allow me to buy frighteningly large, entirely pathetic quantities of ice cream for my family with a credit card. You win. I win. America wins. It’ll all be perfect.
Connor Lenahan (@ConnorLenahan) is a sophomore at Boston University, majoring in journalism. He can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org