Dessert Fusions

By: Connor Lenahan

There are a lot of terrible things in this world – murder, war, carjackings, sharks, stepping on legos, werewolves, train robbery, spontaneous combustion, the music of Garth Brooks – that is for sure. However, I am not one to look upon the world in a negative light. This is because I like to ignore the dark storm clouds overhead as I dig into yet another pint of ice cream.

Hiding in a pint of ice cream is a heavily underrated choice to make. Arguments with friends and/or loved ones can be stressful. Know what isn’t? Eating ice cream. It’s one of the purest forms of joy we as a society have at our disposal. One of the happiest evolutions of my life is that of a young Connor becoming an older Connor with a car and the ability to purchase ice cream whenever I damn well please. This is, in a way, what America was founded upon – the ability to do what we want because freedom.

What makes my heart flutter – in no small part due to sugar and calories – is when the brilliant people behind the glorious ice cream conglomerates decide to play God. When they decide to mash up desserts and create a dessert fusion of sorts amazing things happen. This is the case with peanut butter pie ice cream from Haagen-Dazs.

It’s peanut butter ice cream that has the fluffiness of a peanut butter creme pie. Better yet the pint contains peanut butter swirl and chocolate crust crumbled in for good measure. A quick recap: Haagen-Dazs successfully made a perfect dessert into another perfect dessert and everyone else is slacking. How can people be antagonistic when such things exist? Save for the population of the planet that is allergic to the ingredients of this treat everyone should be consuming it. This is key to a utopia. I will bet any amount of money on this. This ice cream can solve all conflict.

Yes, I have a pint of the ice cream featured here in my hands as we speak this. I could be mugged this second and I would not be mad. This is because I would share my frozen bit of deliciousness with my assailant and he/she would back off immediately. I would, in turn, mug them back. This would be done purely to purchase more peanut butter pie ice cream.

We have a brighter future ahead of us. It starts now – one pint at a time. Or, alternatively should you be allergic to peanuts, one pint and one epi pen at a time.