By: Connor Lenahan
Andrew Sharp is a hero. He took time today to address one of the most tantalizing hypotheticals that I have ever pondered upon. Strike that – one of the most tantalizing that my dad and I have pondered on. Neither my dad nor I have ever come remotely close to playing collegiate football. In fact, the only member of my extended family on either parent’s side that has is my cousin Chris Amrhein who was a QB at Cornell. Yet my dad and I have posed the question above to each other, at least in some form, during just about every football season I can ever remember. That’s because the question is awesome.
Set aside familial ties. Set aside locations. Set aside campuses. Set aside depth charts. Set aside coaches. Set aside everything and just think about where you would want to go just for the sake of the jersey you would wear. My dad would pick Michigan, who he asserts has the best jerseys in college football, or Penn State. The thought of throwing on an Under Armor jersey at Maryland or an Oregon design doesn’t appeal to him. Simplistic is key.
I’m more open. I wouldn’t want Maryland – even they’re a bit too crazy – but you could convince me on some Oregon uniforms.
Sharp argued his top ten for what jerseys everyone should want to wear. That list in its entirety:
4. Florida State
10. West Virginia
Now, my goal here is not to argue Sharp’s choices. I wanted to come up with my own listing. I don’t even remotely dispute Clemson having awesome uniforms, it’s just that I can quite literally pick out the two shirts I own and wear that are either purple or orange. I wouldn’t want to be a tiger. I already have orange hair/facial hair. I don’t need to go full tangerine. (Side note: This is at least 5-10% or the reason I chose Boston University over Syracuse.)
For the purposes of this list, let’s say I’m still me, only I’m 6’4″, 225 lbs, and the best quarterback prospect in the country. We got it? Now that my parents are finally proud of me, let’s look at what colors I would pick.
And even better, since Boston University hasn’t had a football team in a decade they do not count.
Gold and green go really, really well together. Sharp pointed this out too, but reflective gold helmets are badass enough to get them on the list alone.
Remember how I had just kind of bashed the color purple? Yeah forget about that. Black and purple is a winning combination, especially when you have “HORNED FROGS” across your chest. Unless UCLA suddenly puts “CHAINSAWS-FOR-ARMS BEARS” on their front then TCU has my attention.
Seriously I have no idea why I happen to love Washington and their colors so much, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t almost order myself a Washington Football hoodie because I thought it would look cool about a week ago.
Their jersey is simplistic but their mascot is a tree. A tree. I was () that close to applying to Stanford just so I could buy a ton of tree shirts. Someone need to keep me off of Amazon for the next few hours/days.
I have a Florida Gators t-shirt that I wear for no other reason than I really, really love the blue and orange combination that they have every game. That said, I would almost refuse to wear anything but the blue jersey above – that’s the one for me.
“I wish Penn State had red and white uniforms.” “Could you take a red helmet and some black additions?” “Absolutely.” “Welcome to Georgia Bulldog Football.”
4. Penn State
My high school and Penn State wear almost the exact same jerseys. Blue and white is what I grew up in, and I wouldn’t be against wearing it to beat Ohio State. Also, there are more than a few people that will probably get mad for not just not ranking Penn State first, but for ranking…
…Michigan ahead of the Nittany Lions. Seriously, as perfect as the minimalist Penn State jerseys are, the blue and yellow is a close rival. Plus the helmets, good golly the helmets. If Penn State didn’t exist I’d probably be a Wolverine fan.
No, forget that. I’d be a USC fan. Hell I’m a USC fan now. This is the definition of classic. Not doing too much, not doing too little. Balanced, excellent colors. Amazing logo. The jersey of success. And NCAA violations.
After playing Dynasty Mode in NCAA Football recently I fully realized that if I were allowed to design my perfect football uniform based solely on colors and styles I love I would just copy Auburn’s set. Navy blue is the staple of my entire wardrobe. The orange and white are perfect accents. The helmets are without flaw. This year I will be taking my talents to Alabama. War Eagle.
I intentionally left off Ohio State, Notre Dame, and Alabama because no matter what I’d never don their colors. Does it break the rules? Absolutely. Do I care? Absolutely not.
Who would you pick? This is about as fun a silly hypothetical can be.