Oreo Churros

By: Connor Lenahan

Guess what everyone, we are gonna talk about Oreos. Again. But if the thought of these amazing, revolutionary, damn-near-perfect snack treats doesn’t already have you salivating a little bit then you need to buckle up. From the company that brought you Oreos, Double Stuffed Oreos, Mega Stuf Oreos, Oreo Flavored Malaria Vaccine, Oreo Sprinkled War Time Peace, and Oreo Water Purification Straws for African Nations, they now bring you Oreo Churros.

“But Connor,” you ask your computer screen, “couldn’t you already buy these incredible gifts from the gods above at movie theaters? Are you losing a step on your Oreo-centric beat reporting?” No, I am not you meanie. Oreo Churros have indeed been available for purchase at movie theaters through chains like Regal Cinemas as of late. Though, curiously, they have yet to make their way into my tummy.

But the news today is that you need not see a matinee showing of Goosebumps to get your churro-induced craving satisfied. No, thanks to the glorious diplomats that run the Oreo marketing and development team, these treats will not be located in the freezer aisle of your local supermarket, sure to soon find a home in your own freezer.

I have said it before and I will say it again, Oreo is the single best company in the country, and likely the world. Who brings this much joy to everyone? Oreo, that’s who. Similarly, they are not a sponsor of Unbreakable, but if they wanna toss some cookies my way I will tattoo their company logo on my face.

And now, for something I’ve never said before: I’m going to go eat a full box of Oreo Churros and cry tears of American, sugary joy.