Celtics, I’m Your Man


By: Connor Lenahan

Last night in Game 1 of the NBA Playoffs for the Boston Celtics starting guard Avery Bradley appeared to have severely hurt his hamstring. Suddenly the Celtics are down a key player in the midst of a playoff push. The Celtics are in dire need of someone to step up. Will it be Terry Rozier? Will it be RJ Hunter? Will it be Marcus Smart?


It will be me. This afternoon I got a couple of shots in over at the gym and I made roughly 40% of them. That’s what I call NBA worthy. I was making layups like a third of the time which is more than I can say for some players. What do you mean I don’t have any examples?

Boston is already in love with a short point guard that puts up huge shooting numbers. Isaiah Thomas is the man after all. But what’s better than one pint-sized point player than another who can maybe make an uncontested layup sometimes.

If you ask me, this is a no brainer. What do Rozier, Hunter, or Smart have to offer that I don’t, excluding height, speed, athleticism, talent, jumping ability, good credit scores, money, and talent?

That’s what I thought.

If you need me, Danny Ainge, let me know. My starting salary is 7.75 million per season. Non-negotiable.