Dark Chocolate is Awful

By: Connor Lenahan

Gawker, one of my favorite daily blogs, is no more as of yesterday. One of their writers, Kelly Conaboy – who I’m decent certain is also a native of Northeastern Pennsylvania – penned an essay today about the need for more blogs to read. There’s plenty of writers out there doing big long essays, but not enough doing short, stupid articles.

I like to write the latter anyway.

Earlier today I was in a chocolate shop when I saw all of their various offerings and came upon a familiar problem: Who likes dark chocolate?

I’m not saying that dark chocolate is entirely inedible – well, it is, but bear with me – but I challenge that there is no person that genuinely enjoys dark chocolate more than milk chocolate.

People with lactose intolerance would still rather a straight up Hershey bar than something dark chocolate oriented.

Why would anyone, save for a masochist, make a S’More with dark chocolate?

If I give you dark chocolate it means I will likely betray you and push you into traffic.

If you give me dark chocolate I will still push you into traffic.

Dark chocolate is the AT&T of desserts. Dark chocolate is the preferred dessert of every restaurant that asks “Is Pepsi okay?”

Dark chocolate blows, we all know this. End this conspiracy. Milk chocolate is the best.