A Running Diary of the 2013 NBA Draft

By: Connor Lenahan

I do not follow college basketball. I watch the NCAA tournament each year simply because I like brackets. I do not follow the NBA. I know only as much as Bill Simmons writes about.

Why am I writing about the 2013 NBA Draft you ask? Because I love to make judgment calls based off of totally insane aspects. Such as Nerlens Noel’s draft status based on the “freshness” of his high top fade.

Yes I am aware of how pathetic I am. My best friend Matt Bruzzano, someone that knows what he is talking about, will be joining me in watching and commenting on the draft tonight.

7:08 PM – Oh boy we are off to a good start

 

7:14 PM – Apparently starting at 7 PM means that you start whenever the hell you want after 7 PM because you are David Stern and you do what you want, when you want.

7:17 PM – This.

7:23 PM – Still no first pick. Is this partially because I’ve been watching The Newsroom instead? Possibly.

7:25 PM – Oh.

My bad.

7:33 PM – “Thank you for that enthusiastic Brooklyn welcome!” – DAVID. STERN.

7:35 PM – Whoever decided that Jalen Rose and Bill Simmons should be on the draft panel deserves to be promoted… or at least not get axed in the next ESPN firing binge.

7:39 PM – Bill Simmons is bringing up the chances that LeBron goes to Cleveland next summer. Every Cleveland fan just got that much more excited. Everyone else thinks he’s kind of nuts.

7:41 PM – Anthony Bennett. No one had this. No one.

Stunned reactions all around. The only one in the room who knows of Bennett is Bruzzano.

7:44 PM – Anthony Bennett may way twice as much as me. He is listed at 240 but he is reportedly 260. Cannot decide if scared or excited by this. He is Canadian. The verdict is excited.

7:46 PM – “Eat himself out of the league”  -Jay Bilas is pumped.

7:47 PM – Sad Nerlens is sad.

7:48 PM – Oladipo.

I think it is impossible not to like him. “Is he doing the robot?” Bruzzano asks of his highlight film package, cementing my point.

7:50 PM – Victor had months to think about what he would say in the post-draft interview. He did not prepare. This is great.

7:52 PM – I. CAN’T. HEAR. YOU. STERN. FOR. PRESIDENT.

7:53 PM – Otto Porter Jr. stays local. Sad Nerlens becomes sadder.

7:54 PM – “He’s real long” Bru says of Junior Porter. I think this is a compliment.

7:56 PM – “He’s got some buckteeth.” Bru might despise Papa Porter.

7:59 PM – Cody Zeller. What? Vanilla Thunder what?

8:02 PM – “You think he broke his nose?” Bru asks.

For the rest of his career I will refer to Zeller as Owen Wilson.

8:06 PM – Simmons has mentioned that Phoenix has by far the best training staff in the NBA. Great for injured players. Why Noel wouldn’t get picked here is lost on me.

8:07 PM – Sad Nerlens might be suicidal.

8:08 PM – Alex Len.

I did not know he existed until Monday.

8:09 PM – Shane Battier is shockingly good at his job. I like Shane Battier. I bought an autographed Battier card for a dollar once. I am pleased with this purchase.

8:11 PM – Anthony Davis and Nerlens Noel. Just saying.

8:12 PM – Called it. Sad Nerlens not as sad. “Fresh Prince haircut” is mentioned. I love this country.

8:14 PM – Isn’t Christmas with Nerlens going to be funny for like 30 seconds and then mega annoying?

8:16 PM – Ben McLemore.

He looks like Frank Ocean. I will own his rookie card because of this. Don’t judge me.

8:22 PM – Fun conversation about wanting the dreadlocked guy to win Wimbledon. No one knows his name but everyone is rooting for him. Apparently his name is Dustin Brown. Go Dustin Brown.

8:23 PM – Noel to Philly? Happy Bru is happy.

8:24 PM – Kent… oh hell no.

Georgia guard goes to Detroit. Good for him.

8:28 PM – So this happened.

8:30 PM – Trey Burke,

I really like him. He’s a baller, seems like a good guy to have on your team. Also, he has deeeeeeeeep range.

8:32 PM – Trey next to Battier is like me next to all of my friends. He is a member of the short fraternity. I will own his jersey.

8:35 PM – Every mention of this Noel trade makes Bru mad.

He loved Jrue Holliday. I met him, nice guy. Sad to see him go.

8:36 PM – Patriot League player goes in the top 10. JC Show now has a role model. Just wait.

8:39 PM – Friend of mine, Mike Gurganus throws out the idea that Philly is tanking for Maple Jordan. If true, I’m not against this move. Wiggins is that good. I’m not an expert, but I’m not blind. Kid is a star now.

8:41 PM – I think Trey Burke is going to Utah. Noel might not go to Philly. I don’t know what’s going on.

8:42 PM – I just got traded to the Nets. Sweet.

8:43 PM – I hate Chris Broussard with a passion. That is all.

8:44 PM – Michael Carter-Williams to Philly. Bru looks pleased-ish.

8:45 PM – Let’s run this back… Anthony Bennett???

8:51 PM – Bruzzano calls the pick of Steven Adams, followed by a murderer stare. Can’t tell what he’s thinking, but I’m padlocking my door tonight.

8:52 PM – Bru and my brother Chase are discussing the strength of Adams’s eyebrows. What is going on?

8:54 PM – Take it away Finko

8:56 PM – “You are such a dick,” Bru says of my inability to go downstairs like I asked for this or something? That said, I laughed… a lot.

8:58 PM – Bru calls Dallas picking Kelly Olynyk. He promptly gets traded to Boston. This is why I have trust issues.

9:02 PM – Conversation has now reached the point where we are deciding what the cutoff is before we leave the draft for NBA 2K13. I’m more interested in pixels than humans, sorry not sorry.

9:04 PM – The resolution: Wait until Shabazz Muhammad is picked, then we out.

9:05 PM – Shabazz to Utah milliseconds later.

I hope you enjoyed the non-coverage of the NBA Draft. Sorry for wasting your time. Love you all.

Connor Lenahan (@ConnorLenahan) is the founder and editor-in-chief of Connorlenahan.com. He is a freshman at Boston University, majoring in journalism.